Borrowed Confidence

Have you ever felt more capable just because someone believed in you?

Not because they fixed anything for you. Not because they told you what to do. Simply because they saw something in you before you fully saw it in yourself.

That is borrowed confidence. And it matters more than most people realize.

The people you spend time with shape how you think, how you speak to yourself, and what you believe is possible. Their words, attitudes, and expectations quietly become part of your inner world.

That can work for you. Or against you.

The quiet influence of your circle

When you are surrounded by people who value you, lift you up, and believe in you, something powerful happens. You start to take braver steps. You try new things. You recover faster from setbacks.

Not because life suddenly gets easier, but because you are no longer carrying doubt alone.

On the other hand, being in a group that constantly complains, criticizes, or stays stuck can slowly wear you down. Even if no one is openly negative, the lack of growth, hope, or encouragement can hold you back.

Sometimes the hardest truth is this. A group does not have to be bad to no longer be right for you.

It is okay to outgrow people and places

You are always changing. Learning. Growing. Becoming more aware of who you are and what matters to you.

That means it is normal to outgrow a relationship or a community.

Outgrowing does not mean judging. It does not mean cutting people off in anger. It simply means recognizing that what once supported you may no longer fit who you are becoming.

Letting go can feel uncomfortable. But staying in a space that keeps you small costs far more in the long run.

An exercise to reflect on your environment

Neuroscientist Dr. Tara Swart shares a simple activity in her book The Source that helps bring this into focus.

Take a blank piece of paper and try this.

Draw a tree with five branches.

Above each branch, write the name of the five people you spend the most time with.

Below each branch, list the traits you see in them. These can be positive or challenging.

Then pause and reflect.

Are there traits on the list that mirror any negativity or habits you want to change in yourself?

Are there patterns that feel heavy or limiting?

Might it be time to create space from one of those relationships, or at least change how much access it has to you?

This is not about blame. It is about awareness.

Borrowed confidence and self talk

The voices around you often become the voices inside you.

This is where self talk makes a difference. Especially the kind of self talk taught through Exactly What to Say principles.

Notice the difference between these two inner conversations.

“I am probably not ready for this.”

versus

“Most people feel unsure when they try something new.”

“I always mess this up.”

versus

“The good news is, I am learning what works and what does not.”

“Maybe I should wait.”

versus

“Would it be helpful to take one small step and see what happens next?”

Language shapes belief. Belief shapes action.

When you combine supportive people with intentional self talk, confidence starts to grow naturally. Not forced. Not fake. Built over time.

Why community matters when trying new things

Trying something new often feels uncomfortable before it feels exciting.

This is where uplifting people and communities matter most. They create a safe space to stretch. To fail. To learn. To grow.

In these spaces, you can borrow someone else’s confidence in you until your own catches up.

They remind you who you are when you forget. They see your potential before it feels real to you. Over time, that borrowed confidence becomes your own.

Choosing your environment is choosing your future

You do not need to change everything at once.

Sometimes growth starts by asking better questions.

Who energizes me after we talk?

Who believes in what I am building?

Who challenges me in ways that help me grow?

And just as important.

Who drains me?

Who keeps me tied to an old version of myself?

Who reinforces doubt instead of possibility?

You are allowed to choose environments that support who you are becoming.

A simple invitation

If you are in a season where you are stretching, rebuilding, or stepping into something new, you do not have to do it alone.

If it would be helpful to borrow my confidence in you while you build your own, let me know. I would be honored to walk alongside you as you take the next step.