The Words That Change What Happens Next

Recently, I had the opportunity to work with a great group of leaders on their monthly growth call, helping them navigate the kinds of critical conversations that can make or break recruiting and retention.

We explored how to handle resistance, build trust, and guide the other person toward a productive decision—without pressure. It was a lively discussion, full of practical examples and real-life scenarios.

Then, in the middle of it all, someone typed into the chat:

“This would work at home too!”

They were right.

When the Stakes Are Personal

In September of 2018, my husband was diagnosed with acute neurological Lyme disease.

The diagnosis was just the beginning. Along with the physical symptoms came cognitive challenges—foggy thinking, short-term memory loss, and moments of overwhelm that could lead to frustration. Words could be sharper than intended. Reactions could feel disproportionate to the situation.

Before I learned the Exactly What to Say® principles and methodology, my natural instinct in those moments was to respond quickly—sometimes defensively. If something stung, I would want to correct it, explain my perspective, or defend my intentions.

The problem? That approach rarely made things better. In fact, it often made them worse.

The Shift That Changed Everything

What I learned was that my first response didn’t have to be my best response. And often, it wasn’t.

When I started slowing down, leading with curiosity, and choosing my words with intention, everything changed.

Instead of reacting, I’d pause. I’d ask:

• “What’s making you feel that way?”

• “What would you need right now to feel a little more supported?”

Those questions didn’t “fix” his illness. They didn’t erase the hard moments. But they did something far more valuable—they created safety. They opened the door to connection instead of closing it. They softened the moment enough for us to move forward without damage.

Why the Same Words Work Everywhere

Here’s what I realized: if intentional language could keep our home conversations from spiraling during one of the most challenging seasons of our lives, it could work anywhere.

It could work:

• In a client meeting when a deal feels stuck

• In a recruiting conversation with a hesitant candidate

• In a team discussion when emotions are high

• In a negotiation where every word counts

Because in every one of those moments, the words you choose are doing one of two things—they’re building a bridge, or they’re building a wall.

The Cost of Winging It

Most people enter important conversations without a plan for what they’ll say. We rely on instinct, experience, and “winging it.”

But in high-stakes conversations, instinct often defaults to what’s familiar, not what’s most effective. And what’s familiar is usually:

• Reacting instead of responding

• Filling the silence with explanations instead of asking questions

• Choosing words that protect us instead of moving the conversation forward

That’s why the exact phrasing matters so much.

Consider the difference between:

• “Do you have any questions?” and “What questions do you have for me?”

• “I understand” and “That makes total sense—can I ask…?”

• “That’s not possible” and “What would make this feel possible for you?”

One version ends the conversation. The other keeps it alive.

The Bridge Between Home and Work

When that leader typed, “This would work at home too,” it struck me how often we separate “professional” communication from “personal” communication—as if they require completely different skill sets.

The truth? Human beings respond to the same principles of influence, whether you’re wearing a business suit or sweatpants.

At home, my questions were about support and understanding.

At work, they might be about clarity, commitment, or priorities.

But in both cases, the structure was the same:

1. Pause before reacting.

2. Lead with curiosity.

3. Choose words that invite—not demand—a response.

Your Next Conversation

Could it be possible that one phrase, one well-timed question, could turn a difficult conversation into a productive one?

Here’s a simple challenge for this week:

1. Identify one conversation that matters to you—at work or at home.

2. Before you have it, decide what you want the other person to think, feel, or do by the end.

3. Choose one opening question or phrase that will open the door instead of closing it.

   
   

Then see what happens.

When you know Exactly What to Say®, you don’t just communicate—you create movement. And that movement can change what happens next, in business and in life.

Chris Ruszkiewicz is a Performance Coach, NLP Master Practitioner, and Exactly What to Say® Certified Guide with over 31 years of experience as a top-producing real estate broker and business leader. She helps sales professionals, real estate leaders, and business owners master the language of influence to move conversations forward with confidence and impact. Through coaching, training, and speaking, Chris equips clients with practical, high-impact communication strategies that work in the boardroom, the living room, and everywhere in between.